Family Ties. Unspoken Goodbyes
So no one has the perfect family. We all know that. What happens though when your overall health and peace relies on whether to just simply put some distance, or completely redesign a new life? What once was family ties…. now becomes unspoken goodbyes.
Families. There are all kinds. For now, lets put aside the horrific ones with intentional malice. With them, what you see is what you get. There’s no masks to rip off. It’s a suffering, but they show you who they are. Not much to examine. We see it on the news every day. Parents abusing kids and so on. We all have just ONE question….why?
There are many though that actually love the best way they know how. The best way they know how can be a toxic concoction. Within its casing, it is stored and only seen from the top shelf. Problem is, when they have you looking down all the time….you don’t see it at all. You don’t see anything but your own shoes and wishing they were on their feet. Walk a mile please, uphill….both ways. 
Is it worse to keep looking down, or look to the top for the beautiful casing only to find the toxins within? So much deliberation that we forget another option….look straight ahead. The middle.
Yes, what you wouldn’t do to have them feel what you feel with every put down, let down, and forgotten promise. To know the feeling of every step forward, being held back while the tired soul yearns to quit.
You know it’s never enough. Somehow, we have to try harder, do better, be smart, there is still so much more. It echos in your mind as if someone with the master code programmed it there.
How confusing it is to be “loved”. Somehow, you know you’re loved but not sure in which way. What is entailed in love is not shown. How unfathomable it is to understand when others have worked to better their lives from their circumstances as children, yet do not see your efforts from your own.
You too fought circumstances of your own upbringing and your own mistakes. Yet, you’ve accomplished so much without succumbing to the many other toxins. Toxins of different forms in which you could so easily drown in with self pity.
Perhaps, in recognizing your hurdles, they must acknowledge that they’ve owned a few. Left behind, directly in your way. Yet, you’re not looking to place blame, only to accept your own self and live without shame.
The hurdles. No, you didn’t grow wings and gracefully fly over. You did however jump them… sometimes ending up with scrapes and bruises along the way. Still though, no one noticed the finish, because disappointed…. they looked away. A shiny new trophy, but not as shiny as a crown.
There IS hope though, and there is healing simply by releasing.
Sometimes it comes at a very high price to pay but some things can’t come cheap. You, you’re not cheap. You have only one mind, one soul, and a body that needs the strength to guard it all. Although buying some deserted tropical island and meditating your days away may bring you insight and temporary peace, the price tag is still not as hard to pay.
The price you pay for real peace? 
Guilt. Cough it up. The guilt that you have from walking away from those you love. Despite ingesting their own toxins, you fear coming off as selfish, cold, or hurtful. You know though, you’d never hand them back the bottle still with traces of their own poison. However, it’s rehabilitation, and when you do that, you do that alone.
Loneliness. Sometimes we loose sight of the importance of quality over quantity. Have you ever been in a crowded room and feel alone but meet that one person and know that’s all you need? You may leave early from the party, but it was at least nice to be invited.
When you choose quality over quantity… in time, invitations are lost in the mail. They get familiar with your decline. You pay that price, but remember, you already found the one that you need.
Trust. You have to hand that over too. You have to trust the new that enter in your life. You will never form your own family if you’re holding on to the pains of the past. However, when the pains of the past have exhausted you of any you had left, manifesting trust is like a magician without an assistant. Well, the show isn’t over just yet…
He still has his hat. 
With all your efforts, and through your healing, you will make your own magic. One in which that is so good you’re willing to share just how you did it. You need no applause, no admiration, and no need to take a bow. Your reward has come precisely as envisioned. Just hang up your hat, and kick up your feet.
You’ve now turned your poisons….. into potions of peace.
Cheers
Sandra 
